As I write this my precious baby is asleep on our bed. It was a long night. Evelyne had her first fever and I think she just broke it finally. Hopefully it is gone for good. There is nothing worse than a little baby who is sick.

We have been up on and off all night. As I sat there rocking my baby to sleep I had lots of time to think. I remember the day I gave birth to her quite often. I play all the memories through my head. I don't remember the pain. All of that fades to the background compared to the feeling of elation I had when I saw her for the first time. How she made my life feel more complete than it ever had before. The look of pure joy on Alex's face when he first saw her. I don't realize how much I think of that day when she came, but as hard as that day was, it was at the same time the most amazing day ever and the pain just fades to the background.

As my hand rested on her body I remembered other things as well.

I can still feel my mother's cool hand on me when I had a fever. I remember the feeling of safety and comfort knowing she was taking care of me. Sometimes I miss that so much I ache. I know grown women don't all depend on their mothers for comfort. Some do, and I think that is good. But missing that and knowing that I can't have her makes it hurt more.

Now I get to be that for my daughter. At times it is an overwhelming feeling knowing that I am that person in her life. Today was a big step for me in the journey of motherhood. I was responsible for my daughters comfort and care. I was the only one that she wanted to be held by as we fought through the fever. To some it may seem unimportant. But for me, it was huge. Someday, I will be older than my mother was when she passed away, and I will be treading new territory as I go through this life.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I am now in the role that I knew my mother as, and it overwhelms me with memories and loss. I can now understand her in a different way, how she must have felt when she was so sick and couldn't take care of us. The feeling of hopelessness when she knew she was going to die.

I realize what an honor it is to be that person for little Evelyne. I miss having that person for me. I think about little children who never got that cooling touch of comfort from someone that loved them, and I want to be that for them. I pray that God will give me eyes to see the need. So many are hurting and need that comfort of knowing someone is there who loves them.

If you feel like that today, will you claim these verses?

Isaiah 54:10 "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing LOVE for you will not be shaken or my covenant of peace be removed." says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Matthew 1:25-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you REST. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

And this is a promise that I claim often:

Revelation 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be NO MORE death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

There is something that I always come back to when I think about my life and

how God has brought me through many joys and trials in the past 23 years.

He has ALWAYS been faithful. ALWAYS.

I think I want that on my gravestone.