As I write this my precious baby is asleep on our bed. It was a long night. Evelyne had her first fever and I think she just broke it finally. Hopefully it is gone for good. There is nothing worse than a little baby who is sick.

We have been up on and off all night. As I sat there rocking my baby to sleep I had lots of time to think. I remember the day I gave birth to her quite often. I play all the memories through my head. I don't remember the pain. All of that fades to the background compared to the feeling of elation I had when I saw her for the first time. How she made my life feel more complete than it ever had before. The look of pure joy on Alex's face when he first saw her. I don't realize how much I think of that day when she came, but as hard as that day was, it was at the same time the most amazing day ever and the pain just fades to the background.

As my hand rested on her body I remembered other things as well.

I can still feel my mother's cool hand on me when I had a fever. I remember the feeling of safety and comfort knowing she was taking care of me. Sometimes I miss that so much I ache. I know grown women don't all depend on their mothers for comfort. Some do, and I think that is good. But missing that and knowing that I can't have her makes it hurt more.

Now I get to be that for my daughter. At times it is an overwhelming feeling knowing that I am that person in her life. Today was a big step for me in the journey of motherhood. I was responsible for my daughters comfort and care. I was the only one that she wanted to be held by as we fought through the fever. To some it may seem unimportant. But for me, it was huge. Someday, I will be older than my mother was when she passed away, and I will be treading new territory as I go through this life.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I am now in the role that I knew my mother as, and it overwhelms me with memories and loss. I can now understand her in a different way, how she must have felt when she was so sick and couldn't take care of us. The feeling of hopelessness when she knew she was going to die.

I realize what an honor it is to be that person for little Evelyne. I miss having that person for me. I think about little children who never got that cooling touch of comfort from someone that loved them, and I want to be that for them. I pray that God will give me eyes to see the need. So many are hurting and need that comfort of knowing someone is there who loves them.

If you feel like that today, will you claim these verses?

Isaiah 54:10 "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing LOVE for you will not be shaken or my covenant of peace be removed." says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Matthew 1:25-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you REST. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

And this is a promise that I claim often:

Revelation 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be NO MORE death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

There is something that I always come back to when I think about my life and

how God has brought me through many joys and trials in the past 23 years.

He has ALWAYS been faithful. ALWAYS.

I think I want that on my gravestone.

Big Accomplishments!

It's funny to me how excited I get about little things with Evy that are really not that big of a deal to other people. Like when she learns to take a bottle. FINALLY. In the grand scheme of things, not a big deal, but when she finally gets it after quite a few sobbing battles, I feel like jumping up and down and telling everyone I know that my daughter figured it out. AND it makes me want to go out on a date (are you reading honey?)

First things first on Monday I got a taste of what having twin almost 2 year olds at my house would have been like. They slept over on Sunday night, which was for the most part uneventful, and stayed for the morning on Monday. I was glad to help my sister in law out and it was fun to spend some time with my only nephews for a little bit. It's not very often that I get them without a bunch of other family around.

We had pancakes for breakfast, made forts, colored, watched a short movie, read, and much more until mom came and we had lunch.











Here is everyone in our tiny townhouse including our giant but very wonderful lab, Riley.














Okay, so many people sent me messages and talked to me about the little bottle issue that we were having. I finally bought the bottle that everyone was recommending and tried it out.









We have been trying it as much as possible lately so that Evelyne will be able to eat when I'm not with her. It's no fun for mom when she is out but her child wont eat without her.






I'm sure that face just made Evy want the bottle, right?

Well, after many tears and calming down, we finally figured out that if she was distracted somehow- like by the TV she would drink!




So this is what we got...



not exactly the happiest girl, but momma was happy!




SUCCESS!




Thanks for all the advice :)






Since Evy took her bottle mom was able to go to a baby cooking class today at the Chefs Gallery in Stillwater. (Thanks Marija!) We learned what to do and had a lot of fun. Now there is no excuse to make all the food for her. We will be starting solids in a couple weeks!!

Fun-Day Friday

I really enjoy doing crafty things when the projects aren't too overwhelming, so I am going to try and post a fun, easy-to-do, craft every Friday. I am currently trying to reorganize and declutter my house which is taking up a lot of time, but I wanted to send my sister a card at college and thought I would share what I made!

First things first, make sure baby is happily playing

with some toys next to you while you work :)

Here is what you will need:

If you arent sure about just cutting out the fabric take a

piece of paper and draw your shape, or go online

and find a shape you like and print it off

Cut out shape (duh)


Trace shape on the back side of your fabric

Cut out shape (duh again) :)

Use the amazing spray adhesive (good luck getting it

off your fingers) to spray the back of the shape

Stick it carefully to the card- make sure you have it

centered the way that you want it

Ta-Da!!

Soooo.... Bottle Much?

Evy hates the bottle. hates. The moment it touches her lips she begins to scream. And she doesn't stop for a long time. She will wait, skip a feeding, and starve until I can feed her myself. We have tried different bottles, using a dropper, our pinky finger, anything imaginable, but to no avail. Next baby is having a bottle much sooner and much more often. Poor girl. Poor mommy!





If you know of a secret trick that I am not aware of, please share!

Crafty Much?!

Well I thought I would share these cute headbands that I've been making. They are super easy to make.

I just buy these elastic headbands at the store and then cut some extra fabric that I have into different flower shapes. It's fun to mix and match different patterns and layer them- but you could also do a couple sizes of the same pattern.

Then I just used some extra buttons that I had- you know when you get new clothes and they give you extras? Keep 'em! You never know when they will come in handy! Just sew the buttons to the headband and voila!

There are so many ways to vary this I have also done hearts and just sewn them onto the headband without a button.

Let me know if you have any other ideas- I like having something to do while I watch a movie!

Which we are doing a lot of since Alex has been sick today ;( I think he is on the mend though... let's hope no one else gets it!

Francine Rivers, 4 months, and Thank You's

So... I stayed up until Four in the morning yesterday... I mean, this morning.

I couldn't fall asleep and I ended up starting a book that I couldn't put down. It's Francine Rivers latest book which is the second half of a two part series. I love all of her books that I have read- which is most of them. Here is a link to her website with a list of all her books and a short description.

http://francinerivers.com/


On another note :) Evy had her 4 month check up today. She is doing great and I am so happy. She had a hard time gaining weight at the beginning and I am thankful that she has adjusted well now and is a great eater.

I wanted to thank everyone for their kind comments through facebook and texts. It was nice to hear that people were encouraged by what's been happening in my life this past year. I do feel a responsibility to share what I am learning and what God has been teaching me lately.

Evelyne Grace Part 2

Things were moving along quickly and all I could focus on was getting through each contraction. We got there about ten o'clock and I was already dilated to a 5 or 6. Lianna got there and she, along with the nurse, helped me figure out which way I was most comfortable. I ended up in the bathtub for the most of the evening- the warm water helped me relax.

Alex likes telling people about this time because I would be SO intense during a contraction I would just stare right at his nose with a really angry, hard-core look on my face. It really is like fighting through a battle- you are so focused on getting through the pain.

By one A.M. it was time to get checked again. At this point I was feeling so much pressure and I thought to myself, if I haven't made any progress then I'll think about getting something to ease the pain. To my relief, it was time to push. That took about an hour and a half because I didn't want to push her out because it hurt so much! The time really flew by and my contractions started to slow down.

My doctor started talking about giving me some pitocin to make my contractions more intense but I had gone all that time without an IV and I wasn't about to get one at the very end. So I sucked it up and pushed her out within minutes.

When she came I was so overwhelmed it was the most incredible moment of my life! I was practically yelling "That's MY baby!" I LOVE her!" "I'm your mommy!!" One of the nurses in the room later commented it was like a scene from a movie :) Alex and I were overjoyed and in amazement.

As things were going on around me I just remember staring at her and I can't even put into words what went through my mind. We belonged to each other.

We texted our parents that she was here and my Dad was so excited he couldn't sleep and came right to the hospital to meet his first grandchild. After we all got cleaned up and taken care of they left us all alone in the room to get some rest. We were all exhausted. Alex fell asleep right away but as I laid there in the dark my eyes were wide open.

This part of the day stands out to me more than any other. I was in awe of what had just happend. Here we were, together for the first time, and I remember realizing that my life was incomplete with out her. That may sound cliche but in the quiet of the room I praised God for the miracle that He was letting us be a part of. Again, I consecrated Evelyne Grace to Him. She is His child first and foremost and I never want to forget that. But what an incredible blessing to be a part of this journey.

I didn't sleep, I didn't eat. I was so excited to share her with anyone that could come- I'm sure we had 30 people in and out that day and more the next. We were overjoyed. So many people had been praying for her that they felt a bond with her right away as well.

Looking back I tell many people that it was by far, the best, most life changing day I have ever experienced.

Evelyne Grace Part 1

Love.

You think you know what it means and then God finds a way to show you an even deeper meaning. The day that she was born was by far the best day of my life. I will never ever forget the ethereal feeling that filled me in the early morning hours as they placed her on my chest and we looked into each others eyes. My life was changed forever.

I am honored to be a mother. As I think back to the whole experience I am reminded of others who are not able to bear children and I never want to take anything for granted. No matter how difficult circumstances are, there is SO much more to be thankful for.

Evy was a pleasant surprise pregnancy that Alex and I were praying about, unsure if we should be "planning" or how to let God show us what He wanted. I was dealing with morning sickness for what seemed like forever and as soon as it began, it was over and I forgot all about it.

From the beginning I consecrated this baby to the Lord. I was challenged by the story of Todd and Angie Smith, the lead singer from Selah, who's baby was taken from them within her first few hours of life. Their faith in the Lord challenged me to trust Him, no matter what the circumstances were that He put in our lives, that he would use this baby to bring Him glory. That's what I knew He wanted!

He answered that prayer, without a doubt.

On Fathers Day, June 18th, we went to St. Johns hospital. I was almost 28 weeks along and had been having contractions all weekend. They didn't hurt at all, and I thought it just meant I needed to take it easy. When they began to happen more often, we decided to go in, but I wasn't that worried.

When we went in I ended up getting my contractions monitored and was having 4 or 5 every hour so they decided to check my cervix. I was slightly dilated and that's when things got a lot more serious. I was immediately hooked up to an IV and given fluids and a pill to stop the contractions. After an hour I was dilated a little more with contractions continuing. The doctor decided to send me to United Hospital in St.Paul which was connected to Childrens. If I did deliver the baby, she would be a lot safer there.

It still didn't really hit me that I might have the baby that night, we had an ultrasound and they said she was around three pounds, which was good news. They called an ambulance and I was put on a stretcher and taken on a very bumpy, uncomfortable ride to the hospital just 15 minutes away. I still was having a hard time wrapping my mind around the possibility. We called a few friends and family and asked them to pray. Alex had gone home to get some things because we knew we were at least spending the night.

Since the pill didn't work for my contractions I was hooked up to an IV medication called magnesium sulfate (? I think) to stop them, it was a lot stronger and made me really hot and woozy. I remember still trying to wrap my mind around the possibility of giving birth that night. I was very mentally unprepared. I remember praying, knowing that God was in control, but begging Him to let her stay in longer.

We made it through the night and my contractions were regulating. They were not getting worse, but they weren't going away. We ended up staying from Sunday to Wednesday at the hospital. When I was released I was dilated to 2 cm and 70% (give or take) effaced. (To those of you who know what that means) I was on strict bed rest with permission to only get up to get some food and take a shower but even that was discouraged to do every day. I took pills every four hours and had a timer to wake me up, even at night for the next two and a half months.

This was not what I had planned for my last few months before parenthood. I can't say that I handled it well, but it was a lot to adjust to with no warning. Looking back I feel like Alex and I just wrapped up in a cocoon and survived for those weeks and months.

But I know that the reason Evy stayed in as long as she did was because of the prayers from so many. I don't think a single day went by without a phone call, email, meal or card from someone, many from our church, saying they were thinking of us and praying. Our friends and family helped carry us when we couldn't walk without them.

Every week I would go in for my appointment and get checked, and more often than not there would be a slight change and she would be closer and closer to coming out. By 36 weeks I think my doctor was stunned that I hadn't had her yet.

38 weeks

Alex and I decided to live it up while we could and went to the state fair, swam, did what ever we wanted because at this point, she could come whenever.

But still no baby! I think... wait I KNOW that God has a sense of humor. And a plan that is much bigger than me. There is so much that I was learning about full reliance on Him.

I was SO uncomfortable. Waddling around like a penguin, couldn't sleep at night because I always felt like going to the bathroom, I was not the happy camper- pregzilla or something? I don't know, ask Alex :) (He deserves a medal!)

Finally Sunday September 5th came (38.4 weeks) and I knew she was coming soon- maybe even that day. I was having contractions that were starting to get more intense (btw- I never stopped having contractions- I think the pills just stalled them from progressing) but instead of sitting at home, going crazy, we decided to go to the fair...

Now looking back, I realize how stupid this is! What if my water had broken? She would have flown right out!!! Walking around for a few hours really did the trick... and maybe the yummy deep fried food helped a little too... but by nine o'clock that night, I knew it was time to head to the hospital. The problem was, we had parked a couple miles away and had taken a bus to the fair, to save a little money! Alex was a mess while we walked all the way through the fairgrounds- for all the Minnesotans- from the Grandstand to the front gate across the street to the buses where we waited for 20 minutes while our bus came and got loaded up. During this time my contractions were about 3 minutes apart. At this point, I was still pretty excited. Alex: panicky :)

Since we suspected this would be happening all of our bags for the hospital were in the car and we were ready to go straight there. I was walking rather slowly leaning on Alex for support, as I was getting more and more uncomfortable and just focusing on getting through each contraction. We called his sister, Lianna, to meet us there because she was going to help coach me and be more support for us through the labor. By the time we got to the hospital I was groaning a little loudly ;) as I worked through the contractions. I was still calm and not too worried about what lay ahead. I remember waiting for someone from Labor and Delivery to meet us at the door and I didn't want to sit down, I just leaned on Alex as I worked through the contractions. From this point on I wasn't aware of how often they came I just focused on getting through each one.

Part 2 will come tomorrow!!

Enjoying the Small Things

I wanted to talk about my inspiration to start blogging. When I was pregnant I stumbled upon Kelle Hamptons blog called, Enjoying the Small Things. Her photography is amazing and inspiring and I love looking through all her pictures and appreciating her eye for beauty in what seems like anything and everything! Her posts are a testament to her appreciation for the things in her life, however small or insignificant something may seem, she finds joy in it. She is an excellent writer as well, and the first post I read while visiting her blog gave me a new perspective on my pregnancy, my baby and life in general. I so appreciate her willingness to share part of her life- her joys and her trials, with the world.

I want to challenge myself to be honest and real in my posting. I want to share the lessons that I am learning with others- small and insignificant that they may seem. If it helps encourage or challenge someone else than it is worth it, right?

www.kellehampton.com is the title to the blog and look for the tab that says, "start here if you are new"

Enjoy and be challenged.

Oh Boy

Well after about an hour of trying to type and then add pictures the way that I wanted to- I have given up giving a report on Christmas. I realized anyway that I don't want this to just be a journal reporting what my everyday activities are. Not everyone is interested- and I can accept that! So instead I decided to share a few goals that I have in mind for the next year ahead.

1. Pray WAY more often, have a specific time set aside everyday
2. Run a 5K- not walk, or jog, RUN
3. Save up enough money to buy the really nice camera that I have been wanting for couple years now but haven't been able to justify buying because of other expenses.
4. Make more time to go on dates with my husband. I feel like that needs to be more specific... Have some sort of a date night ONCE A WEEK
5. Strive everyday to become a better mother, wife, and friend to those around me by exemplifying Christ to the best of my ability.

Whew, that was a big one which I know I wont be mastering but I CAN try.

So, to my few followers- do you have any goals for the next year? What are they?

There is a First for Everything

Well, it is just after midnight, so officially January 4th, 2011 and one of my new years resolutions is to start a blog. I don't have a specific theme or topic- I can't decide what I want to do- but I want the freedom to write my thoughts, everyday life, ideas I have, questions to ask, issues to vent, etc. If a theme comes from this over time, great. Otherwise- here is to a new adventure documenting my life and the wonderful blessings in it.