On Motherhood

What does that mean? I am only beginning to understand. Before I was a mother, I thought I understood for the most part what that meant. Ha. Lately I have been thinking about what this means to me and how it is changing my life. I definitely am getting a new identity in some ways.

Last Tuesday I went BY MYSELF to get a haircut. That was something I took for granted before. Not until I was in the car, half way there, did I realize my freedom. I didn't have a baby in the backseat. She wasn't getting hungry, needing a diaper change, needing a nap, or wanting entertainment, or wanting to be held. I didn't have to think about her needs before my own for a few hours. All of a sudden I realized how MUCH I needed this! It's funny how the days go by and you are focusing on what needs to get done and don't spend a lot of time "refocusing" or seeing the "Big Picture" and keeping perspective.

There was a time in my life when I couldn't wait to get married. Wondered who it would be (although that didn't last long since I started dating Alex when I was 17- ha!) (ps please don't ever tell Evy!) When I would get married, where we would live, when we would have a family of our own. Now it's when will we get that bigger house? When is the next baby coming? How many are coming? (I joke 10 but I really don't mean it. Don't take me wrong, children are a blessing but they are also expensive!)

It's so easy to get wrapped up waiting for the next thing. I really want to work on appreciating the here and now, and learn what I am supposed to be learning now. Be 100% with Alex, 100% with Evleyne, and 100% with God. And I want to appreciate the every day. When Evy does something new, when we all get to be together for a whole day without any major things going on.

So so far motherhood is sacrificial in some ways, but it is paying off, making my life so much better than when I was able to take a shower whenever I wanted without having to make sure that everyone else was taken care of first. Make sense? I get to experience life and growth and joy in a very special way.